Without You
by Simplyfx
Summary: -I love you Kacchan! I have always loved you!- Bakugou Katsuki's world is set on fire after he learns that Midoriya Izuku has kept a secret from him. Now he's confused and in denial.


Midoriya Izuku had never intended to confess his love to Bakugou Katsuki. Indeed, it happened about quite by chance, after a night out with their old classmates of class 1A, when Kirishima had called Izuku and told him that they were gonna throw a surprise birthday party for Bakugou. It made sense, Izuku thought; knowing Kacchan's personality, he would had never agreed to organize his own birthday party or even join one, for that matter.

Ten years had gone since the students of class 1A had become pro heroes; some of them had naturally grown apart, others just kept in contact out of pure friendship, also thanks to matters related to work. Certain things had never changed, and Izuku was glad for it.

That morning Izuku had woken up groggy; he had had an entire week to think about a present for Kacchan, but ultimately, had came up with nothing, or at least with nothing good enough to sweep the indomitable Bakugou Katsuki off his feet. Therefore, that evening Izuku, not willing to exert his brain thinking of suitable presents for his childhood friend anymore, had decided to present himself at the party empty handed, and had taken a cab to Shinjuku to a pub called Kirin, which, in Kirishima's opinion, was one of the best in the area.  
If only Izuku knew how things would had ended up that night, he would never ever had gone to the party. He had been nervous before even arriving; the thought of giving Kacchan no present had haunted him, and when he had made it clear that he hadn't brought any gift, offering to buy him drinks instead, Kacchan had only given him a scoff and a click of his tongue, reminding him what a nerd he was. The rest of the night had gone down hill from there; Kacchan had teased him a lot, bringing him to the verge of emotional exhaustion. It wasn't the kind of teasing Izuku had received from him during their middle school years. No, it was different. Kacchan had asked him about his love life, if he had someone he liked, and he had done it in front of everyone; reason why Izuku had nervously answered and simply dismissed it, telling him he wasn't interested and merely had the time for love matters. But Kacchan had insisted, calling him a nerd yet again, because at their age there was absolutely no way guys were not interested in these kind of matters. Izuku's drunken mind had started spiraling around Kacchan's endless questions, given he had drank a few shots of vodka, perhaps to make the night more bearable, and also taking into mind that Kacchan was a bit drunk too, Izuku had convinced himself that the way Kacchan had talked to him, looked at him, and occasionally brushed his hands with his meant that maybe, just maybe, Kacchan felt the same about him.

It all had happened in a blink of an eye. Thinking back to it, Izuku had felt like if he was possessed by someone else, like his own astral body had left his physical body and watched from above as he screamed at the top of his lungs;

-I love you Kacchan! I've always loved you!-

But Kacchan had hit him, of course he had, as hard as he could; he had sent him toppling on the floor with a single punch, rage flitting in his features. Izuku still remembered his anger, his rage, the look of disgust Kacchan had gave him, the slight reddening on his face, the look of disbelief and pure shock on the others upon learning this new piece of information. He remembered Todoroki trying to stop him, to keep his mouth shut, the look of sadness etched on his face after his confession. Todoroki Shouto, the only one aware of Izuku's feelings for Bakugou. But most of all, he remembered Kacchan's words as Todoroki, Kirishima and Iida took a hold of him to refrain him from hitting him again and again;

– You're disgusting –

Kacchan's voice echoes in his mind.

"I'm disgusting."

Izuku repeats to himself, lying on his bed in the darkness of his own room, cringing at the words. Kacchan had all the rights to be mad, to hate him, to think he was disgusting. After all, he had lied to him; all these years he had pretended, suffocating his own feelings. Kept on lying because he knew there was no hope for his romantic feelings to go anywhere, no hope for them to reach Kacchan; he had decided to keep everything bottled up because the risk of losing Kacchan as a friend again, after all the bad blood gone through them, was scary. Izuku had decided to be content with just being friends, rivals; it didn't quite make sense why all of a sudden he had broken his promise and spluttered out his true feelings to him. It made absolutely no sense. Now he had lost Kacchan forever.

Tears begin flooding his cheeks, thinking back to the night prior.

"Kacchan is right. I'm disgusting."

He was lucky that Todoroki had brought him home after that; he seriously had to thank him properly the next time he'd see him. If he wasn't for him who knows where he'd be.

He tries to stop his tears from coming out when he hears the door bell, and suddenly it dawns on him that Todoroki had told him he would've checked out on him the next morning. He spares a glance to the alarm clock on the nightstand; it was already noon. In a swift motion Izuku stands up, allowing a moment to recollect himself while looking at his dishevelled figure in the mirror; he was a complete disaster. Eyes red and swollen, hair sticking out at weird angles, his clothes, which he didn't bother to change last night, all crumpled and messy.  
The bell keeps on ringing, and Izuku makes his way towards the living room, not caring any longer what he looked like.  
When he opens the door, Todoroki stands there, a worried look etched on his face.

"You look like you haven't slept in a week." He says simply.

Izuku doesn't answer and just pushes the door completely open to let him in while moving on a side, Todoroki complies, and Izuku softly shuts the door behind him.

"Midoriya!"

"Yes!?" Izuku replies uncertain, watching Todoroki as he fumbles with his pockets, searching for something, and when a tissue is presented in front of him he stares blankly at it. He giggles lightly, waving a hand in dismissal.

"C'mon Todoroki kun, I'm not gonna cry or anything."

"You already are." Shouto utters softly, and at those words, all the feelings bottled up inside Izuku come flooding out once again. Unable to stop them, unable to hold back anymore, he buries his face in his hands as he feels hot tears trickling down the corners of his eyes, letting them out as silently as he can.

"What have I done, Todoroki kun!?" he says through sobs.

Shouto doesn't say anything, and just as a loyal friend would, he puts his hand on Izuku's shoulder waiting for him to calm down.

"I guess that really wasn't the best way to tell him." Shouto says at last, trying to choose his words carefully.

Izuku tries to stifle himself and wipes his tears away with the back of his hand before he finally looks up at Todoroki again.

"At least I can finally move on now. I knew it was impossible from the beginning, but even so, I had the slightest hope that maybe Kacchan felt the same about me. But now I won't even be able to stay by his side as his friend. I ruined everything Todoroki kun! How am I gonna face him when I meet him at work? What am I gonna do then?"

Shouto just stands there in silence as Izuku pours his feelings onto him, not knowing how to comfort him. Unfortunately the fact that Midoriya and Bakugou worked for the same agency together with him, Kirishima and Iida was a harsh reality that soon would have come crushing down onto their lives. As pro heroes the five of them always hung out together, and surely after the previous unfold of events, things would have changed quite a bit. If Midoriya himself didn't know what to do from now on, how was he supposed to act in front of Bakugou? They were all friends and also co-workers, there was no way things could have stayed the same.

"I really am stupid, aren't I, Todoroki kun!?"  
Izuku speaks again, interrupting his line of thought.

"You're not stupid." Shouto says softly, "Just in love!"

"Yeah, with the wrong person apparently." Izuku chuckles, wiping away the last of his tears. "If I was in love with you Todoroki kun, maybe things would have been easier."

Those words leave Izuku's without any thinking, and even though Shouto knew they meant nothing, his whole body shivers at them. Izuku was hurt, and he was only saying those things in an attempt to alleviate his pain. Shouto, more than anyone else, was aware of Midoriya's way of thinking. All these years he had been his confident, the only one who knew about Midoriya's secret love for Bakugou; but now that secret was gone, and all it was left was an utter mess of feelings and jumbled emotions. What was he supposed to do? He certainly was not about to voice his hidden feelings for Midoriya and make things even more complicated than they already were.

"I'm sorry Todoroki kun!" Izuku says when he hears no reply from his friend, "I shouldn't have said that."

"It's fine!" Shouto says, and Izuku smiles sheepishly at him.

Todoroki was the only friend who had always understood him, there was no need to give explanations. When Izuku was with him he felt at ease, the complete opposite of when he was with Kacchan. Everything with Kacchan had always been a blast, he always felt overwhelmed, but in a good kind of way; something Izuku could never put into words. Everything with him had always been a roller coaster of emotions. He couldn't even explain to himself how he had fallen for the hot headed, full mouthed blonde; he just knew that since an early age he had always thought of Kacchan as amazing.  
Izuku stops his train of thought when he sees Todoroki still looking at him with utter concern.

"Ah! It sucks to be rejected!" Izuku says, scratching the back of his neck nervously, "But don't worry Todoroki kun, I'll get over it, or maybe I can just kill mysel-"

Shouto immediately snaps at the words, grabbing Izuku harshly by the shoulders, glaring at him dead in the eyes, "Do not say that ever again, Midoriya." Shouto almost shouts, uncharacteristically losing his cool demeanour.

Izuku shakes at Todoroki's sudden reaction, lowering his gaze downwards, unable to uphold the other's piercing one.

"I- I won't." Izuku stutters, "I was only joking."

"Do not say that even as a joke. Promise me, Midoriya!" Shouto stares more intensely at him, and the seriousness in his voice forces Izuku to look up at him again.

"I promise." Izuku says, eyes shifting.

With that, Shouto relents his grip on Midoriya's shoulders, suddenly aware of their proximity, and he steps back.

"Anyway," Shouto speaks again, trying to change the weird atmosphere between them, "Did you really expect anything different from Bakugou? You know how hot headed he is and-"

"I know!" Izuku interrupts, a soft glint in his eyes, "I know that. Maybe that's the reason why I fell in love with him."

Shouto's heart clenches. The way Midoriya looked when talking about him was unbearable.

"But don't worry, Todoroki kun. I'll be fine. I promise."

Izuku gives Todoroki the best smile he can manage, and Shouto smiles back at him, knowing that, if anything, Midoriya was only trying to hide his pain not to make him worry more that he should have.

"Fine!" Shouto says, heading to the door, "I just really came to see how you were doing, I'll take my leave now. Take care of yourself, Midoriya."

"Yes, I will."

When Shouto is about to shut the door behind him, Izuku stops him in his tracks with a shout. "Todoroki kun! Thank you very much!"

Shouto only smiles, he doesn't say anything as he lets the door close behind him. His heart still throbbing.  
Izuku is left alone. His mind in a frenzy. After all, it really would have been easier to fall in love with Todoroki kun. He was nice and gentle and caring, everything Kacchan was not.

"Its true that you don't really choose who you fall for." Izuku whispers, a bitter smile curves itself on his lips. Fate was indeed cruel.

"============"

The night after his disastrous birthday party, Katsuki had stomped off the pub in a fury, quickly getting in his car and heading home as fast as he could. If he'd stayed any longer he would have probably beaten Deku to a pulp.

-I love you Kacchan! I've always loved you-

Those words had haunted Katsuki all night, keeping him awake. How the hell did that shitty nerd even dare to say that to him? He had never done anything to make Deku believe he had those kind of feelings for him; but what frustrated Katsuki the most was that Deku had lied to him. Keeping his feelings hidden for who knows how long. Was he not loyal enough as a friend for him to tell him sooner? Why did he have to blurt it out in front everyone? Rage fills him up with dread upon remembering Deku's face after he had punched him. He had the side of his face where Katsuki had hit him covered with one hand, but even through that, Katsuki could see the pained look in his eyes.

-O-oi Deku,- Katsuki had screamed, -you're joking, right?-

-No Kacchan. I really love you!-

Katsuki bites his cheek, as he gets up from the comfort of his own couch to fetch a bottle of water from the fridge. He drinks a big gulp, hoping for the cold liquid to freeze his mind, to make him forget everything that had happened last night.

He hears his cell phone chiming on the living room table then, and as he goes back to check his phone, he lets out a deep growl upon seeing he had received a text from the person he had least expected.

Msg:

2:50 pm

Half and half: Are you home? We need to talk...

Katsuki glares at the screen, not even bothering to reply. What in earth Todoroki had to talk about with him? If it was about last night, then they had nothing to discuss.

Not even five minutes later and Katsuki hears someone knocking at his door. When he opens it he's left there incredulous;

"You were already here, half and half bastard!? Katsuki gives Todoroki a side glance, scrunching his nose.

"You didn't answer the message," Shouto says as he forces his way in, lightly pushing Bakugou aside, "so I just let myself inside the building."

Katsuki still stands by the door, not closing it.  
"What do you want?" he bellows.

"It's Midoriya."

Katsuki slams the door shut so loudly upon hearing his name that it almost comes off its hinges.

"The fuck? What do you have to do with that shitty liar? Did he send you here on his behalf or wha-"

"He's suffering a lot, you know!" Shouto says calmly and collected, a hint of worry lining his voice.

"That ain't my fucking business." Comes Katsuki's nasty reply, "He's a fucking liar. It serves him right. He brought this upon himself."

"It's not what you think, and to answer your question I'm here of my own volition, because I'm his friend. Nobody sent me on behalf of anyone."

Katsuki lets out a loud snort.

"I couldn't fucking care less about that."

"Look Bakugou," Shouto's tone becomes more grave, more intense, "Midoriya doesn't want anything from you."

"Haa!" Katsuki roars, "Sure, the fucker confessed to me because he doesn't want anything from me! Like everything can be just like before, all rainbow and fucking unicorns. Couldn't he have kept his fucking mouth shut then?"

"All these years, Midoriya has kept everything inside. It just was too much to bear." Shouto clenches his fists at his sides, "He really loves you!"

"Too much to bear? Fuck this shit!" Katsuki yells yet again, his body shaking with renovated anger, "I didn't fucking make him have those feelings for me. That's his own fault. And why the fuck do you even care about him?"

"Midoriya has confided in me, telling me about his feelings for you a long t-"

Shouto doesn't have the time to finish his sentence that Katsuki grabs him violently from the collar of his shirt, and slams him against the nearest wall in the room.

"You fucking knew it? You knew about his feelings for me and you didn't fucking tell me!?"

Shouto holds Katsuki's gaze but doesn't lose his composure.

"It wasn't my place to say anything. Midoriya just needed someone to talk to, and I happened to be there."

Katsuki's grip loosens at the words.

"At least let him be your friend." Shouto continues, unabashed. You owe him that!"

Katsuki flares, his hands letting go of Todoroki completely. "I owe him fucking nothing," he says in a baritone, although Todoroki's words had drained him of all of his seething anger, only leaving room for disappointment. "Besides if I keep being his friend he might get the wrong idea, and I don't want to fuel his hopes."

Shouto's eyes widen, "Could it be that you are worried for him?"

"Hell no! I'm just worried that if he keeps looking at me that way I might just beat him up to a pulp." Katsuki clarifies; there was no way he had any kind of worry for a liar who had kept lying to him.

"I see!" Shouto sighs, almost relieved, "I'll take care of Midoriya then."

Katsuki bristles. "Whatever." He says with a scowl as he watches Todoroki leave. Whatever the hell half and half meant by that it was none of his concern.

"I dont get it though," Shouto stops at the door, his back partially turned to Bakugou. "The fact that Midoriya has fallen for someone like you...," he pauses, fully turning towards Bakugou. "isn't that proof enough?"

Even though the words were spoken flatly, Katsuki swore he could hear all the mockery lodged in that sentence.

"Someone like me?" Katsuki bawls, small fire threatening to come off the palm of his hands. The bastard was basically telling him that Deku was too good for him.

"Fucking leave, before I set your right side on fire."

With that Todoroki leaves, not even sparing a last glance to Bakugou.

Katsuki is left there boiling with rage. If that was how things were, he thought, then Todoroki might as well go fuck himself.

The real problem would have started from next week onwards; when he would have to meet Deku at work again. It was lucky enough that he was on an holiday leave for the rest of the week. Katsuki would have easily put any thought of Deku unwillingly popping in his mind aside. Or so he thought.

For days had passed quietly, Katsuki was lying on the couch of his living room as usual, watching a culinary show, intending to hone his already amazing cooking skills, when someone, at exactly 11:50 pm, knocked at his door. Taken by surprise, because of the late hour, and also because Katsuki wasn't expecting anyone, he turns off the TV and heads to the door as he hears the knocking intensify.

"Coming!" he shouts hurriedly, ready to kill whoever was obnoxiously knocking at his door so late at night. When he opens the door, without even bothering to check before hand, he regrets his own stupid action and instinctively tries to shut the door back again.

"Ouch!" Comes Kirishima's yelp as he sets his foot on the door to stop Bakugou from shutting it on his face.

"Is this the way you greet a friend?" the red haired complains, earning a guttural growl from the blonde.

"What the fuck is that?" Katsuki's eyes are wide in disbelief as he stares at Kirishima and Deku slouched onto his back, supposedly drunk.

"Look," Kirishima says, starting to regret having put his foot between the door, if it wasn't for his hardening quirk he would have let out a cry of pain; "Help me here! Midoriya got drunk while we were out, and if I knew he was such a light weight I wouldn't have let him drink so much. I had to wrestle him in order to take the bottle out of his grasp, man! That wasn't funny!"  
Kirishima says, a little strained, given his awkward position.

"And why the fuck did you bring him here?" Katsuki growls, looking at the nerd who had seemingly woken up and was now staring blankly at a point in the wall, unaffected of what was going on. "Couldn't you just have brought him to your fucking place?"

"I could have, but Midoriya kept on calling your name, and he wouldn't leave until he made me promise to bring him to you; and you know I'm soft hearted, bro."

"Fuck you." Katsuki screeched, careful to keep his voice low for fear to wake up the old lady next door. That would have been even worse, because the woman had had him under her surveillance for quite a while now, and she had obviously been looking for any excuse to have him thrown out of the apartment building.

"C'mon Bakugou, open the door!" Kirishima says with a plead. But Katsuki pushes the door harder. "Like hell I will! I didn't think you were so stupid to come here asking for your own death." Katsuki growls again, when he loses his balance, Kirishima wastes no time taking the advantage and pushes the door completely open, letting him and Midoriya inside.

"Here!" he says, pushing Midoriya onto Bakugou. "Talk to him before things get even uglier."

"Don't you dare fucking leave him here." Bakugou barks, but his words fall on deaf ears as Kirishima promptly leaves, shutting the door behind him, his steps quickly fading down the corridor.

Bakugou is left there, still trying to process what the hell had just happened when he feels Deku's body shifting against his, lifting his face up to look blearily at the blonde.

"What?" Katsuki grunts, still holding onto him to not make him fall, turning his head away, not able to look him in the eyes.

"Pffft" Izuku giggles.

Did the shitty nerd just dare to laugh at him?

"Kacchan! You are Kacchan!" Izuku still giggles, poking a finger at Katsuki's cheek.

"You drunk ass!" Katsuki says, as he damns the situation seven ways to hell and back.

Just why the hell was this happening to him?


End file.
